By Amelia Robinson, Staff Writer Updated 9:57 AM Wednesday, August 4, 2010
There are a boatload of true injustices in this world:
- The jerk going 98 mph in the souped up 1995 Honda Civic will never get caught, but you’ll be pinched doing 68 in a 65
- You won’t need that half-used jar of Bertolli alfredo sauce until after its grown a thick film of fungi
- Criss Angel is alive, but “The Crow” star Brandon Lee died in 1993.
All that said, nothing beats this one: men lose weight 300 times faster than women.
My math might be a little fuzzy, but I am barely making this one up.
Everyone knows men have an advantage when it comes to shedding the lard (chub, chunk, pork, etc.).
It’s a scientific fact as illustrated in that one SlimQuick commercial (how women lose weight) and by early results of a “Biggest Loser”-style summer weight loss contest in my office. Overall, the office dudes are crushing the office chicks under their tremendously jettisoned poundage.
Miami Valley Hospital nutrition therapist Debra Thompson backs my findings up on this one without verifying my “statistics” or questionable methods.
She says men lose weight faster because of three factors: they are typically taller, weigh more and their metabolisms are different.
I have a theory that seems even more plausible: men are from Skinny Mean Girl while women are from Venus.
All a skinny mean girl has to do to lose weight is stroll to a vending machine, criss cross her legs three times and scare someone into buying her a giant Snicker candy bar. She’s down a pound and a half just like that.
Venus natives on the other hand blow up like a certain Hutt named Jabba when they eat things like cottage cheese, crackers and everyone’s favorite, air.
“It just ain’t right,” a disgusted woman recently exclaimed in an elevator (that woman was me).
Sure I could drop 10 pounds in a week, but doctors would advise against it.
It seems I sort of need my kidneys, brain, heart and such.
Men lose weight faster than women, but despair not dieting ladies of Venus.
If they can put a man in Spanxs (these “mirdles” supposedly firm the chest and narrow the waistline), a woman can overcome a little weight loss disadvantage.
Yep, we are women hear us roar and we can walk pass the refrigerator.
Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2384 or arobinson@Dayton DailyNews.com.
<a href="http://www.daytondailynews.com/lifestyle/ohio-health-news/column-injustice-unscientifically-reveals-men-lose-weight-like-300-times-faster-than-women-843128.html?showComments=truetag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=http://www.daytondailynews.com/lifestyle/ohio-health-news/column-injustice-unscientifically-reveals-men-lose-weight-like-300-times-faster-than-women-843128.html?showComments=trueWed, 04 Aug 2010 14:04:51 GMT 00:00″>Column: Injustice unscientifically reveals men lose weight, like, 300 times faster than women